i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
