I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
