So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
