All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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