I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
