look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
