Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
