I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
