i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
