Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
