foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
