she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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