i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
