How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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