none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
