i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
