oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
