There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
