i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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