i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
