somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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