Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
