As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
