so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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