Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
