bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
