at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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