For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
40s are totally the cure
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
