Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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