I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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