Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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