Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
