WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
