I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
