its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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