Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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