Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
