I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
