I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
