My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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