her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
