im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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