if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This house was built for laser tag.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
false alarm, still single
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