There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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