lets start a swedish sibling band together
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
