You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
