she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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