You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
