how can u be prego again
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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