I just saw a hot homeless man
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
