Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
